Vanity

As a gay Guy who frequents places where I face the scrutiny and judgment of other gay Guys, I try to take care of my body. I eat healthy, I even pack a few bananas every week, I run, I go for walks, I hardly ever drink alcohol, I reluctantly do push-ups, I plank until I fold and I quit smoking as often as I can.

The result is a body that, when photographed in a certain light and subsequently filtered in a tantalizing hue, is reasonably hot to look at.

It took me years to become reasonably hot. Being reasonably good looking is a lot of work. The reason I make the effort is because I like my sex to be with Guys that are reasonably hot as well.

Actually, what I’m really aiming for are Guys who I think are hotter than I am, so they can give me the feeling I am in fact more than reasonably good looking. So whenever I have sex with a Guy I deem hotter than myself, I do my best to be the Guy from my selfies, rather than just being me.

Of course, sometimes it’s nice not to look for the hot one, but to be the hot one.

In terms of narcissism Guy #119 gave me the day off. Twice.

Sex can be comfortable when you know you’re the hot one. It takes off the pressure.
Guy #119 had a cute face, but his body reminded me of Elvis in his final days. It wasn’t a pleasant surprise, but I know what it’s like to be chubby and I know how easy it is to live your hotness away.
That’s why I didn’t reject Guy #119 when he turned out to be way fatter than his antiquated Grindr selfies. Instead I viewed him as a little vacation from my vanity: To be with a Guy without having to hold my breath for my tiny abs to show.

Granted, there were moments when I got a little uncomfortable by the amount of fat that crawled its way over and against and around my body, but Guy #119’s cute smile made up for a lot, as did his personality.

I guess Guy #119 marked the first time in my life I had sex with someone I deemed unattractive without it being pity sex. Although maybe I did have sex out of pity, pity for my future fat self.

Guy #119 gave me hope that all people, even fat people, can have sex with people who are reasonably good looking, meaning that no matter what happens to me and my looks, I can always count on my brains to get me laid.

Guy # 119 had used his brains to get me horizontal. Being insecure about the way I look, it was nice to be seduced by brains.

When you frequent places where gay Guys go to scrutinize and pass judgment over other gay Guys, it’s good to be reminded how sexy personality can be. Guy #119 definitely was one of the hottest Guys I ever dated.

Shame about the fat though.

Relationship summary:

LENGTH: 2 x 1 hour
FORMAT: Sex dates
SEX SCORE (0 = Toilet Elvis <–> 10 = The best sex ever): 8.3

Selfies can be deceptive.

I’ve come across internet profiles from men that go by one and the same picture for years at an end. It’s because they only have that one picture in which they look good. I don’t trust profiles with only one picture.

Guy #39 taught me.

Guy #39 looked good in his selfie. I thought it would be greedy of me to ask for more pictures of him looking horny, but I now know my greed had motivated me to go on this date in the first place. I should have listened to my greed as one does on sex dates.

On the other hand I ended up liking the fact Guy #39 had deceived me into getting to know him.

We clicked. I found myself very comfortable with him. We laughed a lot.

We both knew his selfie was ten years old and heavily photoshopped. But it was okay. Lying is often part of a sex date.
In the end Guy #39 even told me he wished he was hot like he used to be. I guess that was his way of saying sorry for the lie that was his selfie.

Selfies are good for making us feel like we look good. I think I made Guy #39 feel he looked like his selfie again.

I was approaching 30 when I first started photoshopping myself. I was amazed by what the contrast button could do to my abs.

Though I’m hardly ever on dating sites these days I do update them every so often with my latest pictures of me looking bored into a mirror, holding up a phone, wearing a towel. It’s my way of letting people know I’m not a person with only one good picture.

Over the years my selfies have become increasingly beautiful. And increasingly deceptive. And as I grow older, I will stop uploading selfies every so often. If I stay single I might end up being a guy with only one selfie.

I wonder what my life would have been like had I come out sooner. I enjoyed the gay scene very much, but at times I wish hadn’t spent the first 24 years of my life being so afraid of it.

Then I might have met Guy #39 around the time his selfie was taken.

Relationship summary:

LENGTH: 2 hours
FORMAT: Sex date
SEX SCORE (0 = That one mosquito circling around your head when you’re trying to sleep <–> 10 = The best sex ever): 8.3