I’m not sure what’s worse: Doing porn with someone you can’t stand or doing porn with someone you want to spend the night with.
Guy #47 had great looks, a good sense of humor and we seemed to really get each other.
The sex was very good, except for the fact there was a bearded guy with a camera minding our every business all the time.
It’s not that I resented the bearded camera guy. If it wasn’t for him Guy #47 and I never would have met. It’s just that I wanted Guy #47 and me to me more than just colleagues.
We probably could have been, were it not for the fact that I was moving to another country mere days after our shoot.
I did have a lot of fun riding the subway with Guy #47 on our way back home. It’s always a thrill to meet someone who seems to really get you. It felt like I made a friend. He too regretted the fact I was leaving the country so soon.
Guy #47 and I kept in touch through Facebook for a while. I think I would have enjoyed Guy #47’s friendship as much as the benefits that would have been a part of it. It would have been nice to hook up with Guy #47 in the absence of a cameraman.
Of all my porn shoots this had been the only time I was sorry when it was over.
The summer of 2009 was one of sexual exploration. Guy #47 was my penultimate date of that period, signaling the end of it. I was days away from moving back to my home country and trying to figure out what to do with my life.
The summer had been brief as it had been enjoyable, much like my time with Guy #47.
I remembered the time I still thought having sex with guys was just a bisexual experiment. I literally believed I could never have feelings for a Guy at one point.
Now that I was leaving a city in which I had met so many of them, I realized I would miss some.
It was awful doing porn with a passive aggressive straight guy. It was just as awful saying goodbye to a colleague I very much wanted to cuddle up with.
It had been a summer of exploration, but I never realized what I was looking for, what fueled my journey in the first place. I figured it was suppressed horniness from my closet years. While that was part of it, the actual reason I had been on a gay hunting spree was a much more valid one.
I was looking for a human connection.
It was both liberating and frustrating to find one on a porn set.